Confessing to the real reason behind the break-up

March 5, 2012

Breaking up can be a hard thing to do, especially if you know your significant other will be more crushed by it than you. So you messed up, or your feelings changed along the way; does that mean you tell your partner your real reason for breaking up? Or do you just put the blame on something else — like stress, school, parents or some other lie you can think of? You have to remember, the person being dumped may be left feeling hurt and confused with a lot of unanswered questions.

Many people who end their relationship out of the blue may no longer feel happy in it. They may decide that being single is better for them, or they just want to meet other people. Whatever the real reason may be, many lie about why they are breaking up. Mark Downing, a first year management student, stated, “I just wanted time apart from my girlfriend. The relationship started getting too serious too quickly, and I wasn’t feeling it anymore. I wanted things to end, but I did not want to hurt my girlfriend either. I decided to tell her that we both should focus on school more, but still be friends. She wasn’t as hurt, but if I told her the truth, she would have been more crushed.”

Remaining friends with an ex can make matters worse, particularly for your current or future relationships. Your feelings may still be strong. Checking up on your ex and hanging around them may also make it harder to move on. You may also compare your current partner and relationship to your ex. This is a very common reason why many couples break up and go back to their ex.

On the other hand, 11% of women told Men’s Health the reason why they broke up with their boyfriend was either because he cheated or that he was not committed to the relationship.

Michael Wright, a third year sociology student said, “The reason why I really broke up with my girlfriend was because I cheated. I had no idea how to tell her, so I just said I wanted time apart. Eventually, she found out the truth. If I had told her the truth, I wouldn’t feel as guilty as I do now. Lying to her made me feel worse. Now I will always tell my next girlfriend the truth, no matter how bad it is, because the guilt can be too hard to handle.” Telling your significant other that you cheated can be hard for both partners in the relationship, but lying about something such as cheating can make the break up worse. You may be faced with guilt and regret, especially if your ex was willing to forgive you in such a situation. You may want to lie in order to preserve their feelings, but this is an emotional situation.

Whatever the real reason behind breaking up is, consider being honest with your partner. Lying about your motives can make the matter worse and may even cost you any hope of making it work in the future.